Partner Deborah Jeff interviewed on LBC re Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck
Partner Deborah Jeff was interviewed by Shelagh Fogarty on LBC re the news that singer and actor Jennifer Lopez has filed for divorce from husband Ben Affleck, twenty years on from their original engagement.
Deborah and Shelagh began by discussing how divorce between two people in the public eye differs from that of non-celebrities. Deborah explained that there are elements that feature throughout any separation; however, for those in the limelight there is an extra level of scrutiny which puts pressure on the parties as their relationship comes to an end. Deborah went on to explain that high-profile couples can struggle to contend with press interest in their relationship, as well as balancing their public and private personas. She stressed the importance of knowing when to drop the façade and be genuine, as without such authenticity, the relationship stands little chance of success.
Deborah further touched on the idea of couples rekindling and marrying later in life following an initial separation, highlighting that what makes it work is assessing and analysing why the initial relationship failed - often with the help of therapy. If those reasons aren't addressed, Deborah continued, then it is typically only a matter of time before the issues resurface. She emphasised how parties need to be both frank and vulnerable when addressing these issues - you must not be afraid to point out the aspects that you were unhappy with, but you must also be prepared to accept your own faults. Ultimately you may have to make quite drastic changes to your life if you are serious about trying to make a relationship work a second time round, which takes a lot of thought and commitment, Deborah highlighted. The couples that take this seriously are the most likely to succeed, in Deborah's experience. She explained that even those that don't succeed end up coming out of the process with a great deal of respect and dignity, with the parties often maintaining a friendship.
Should a marriage reach the unfortunate point where separation is inevitable, it can be an incredibly difficult process when your lives are so intertwined with finances, children, and friends. Deborah highlighted that it takes time and a lot of work from both sides, and that if a point in time ever arises where you are looking to try again then you need to really have a look at why it did not work in the first place.
Deborah explained how breakdowns in relationships can be caused by something as simple as a lack of communication. She continued that effective communication is absolutely essential in a successful relationship, and having worked with so many excellent therapists with clients throughout her career she has seen just how key it really is.
Deborah discussed how in a divorce she will typically recommend that a client goes to therapy in order to alleviate the emotional burden such a process brings, and to keep it confined to a different forum so that it doesn't play out in the divorce, particularly if there are court proceedings. If you go into a divorce with the temperature already raised, it is incredibly difficult to bring it back down.
In her concluding thoughts, Deborah highlighted how particularly difficult separation can be for blended families - those where there are step-children. She explained how after building a relationship with a step-child it can be hard to simply just walk away, continuing that Jennifer Lopez has set an excellent example by going to her step-children's graduations, despite no longer being in a relationship with the father.
Deborah was interviewed on LBC London, 21 August 2024.
